That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
