It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
