I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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