when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
