dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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