She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
