I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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