I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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