You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
