Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
