the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
