Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
40s are totally the cure
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
