omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
