do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
