GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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