how can u be prego again
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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