After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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