it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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