did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
