week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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