Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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