Betty ford says i'm here all night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
