He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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