I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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