he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
