didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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