are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize