In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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