guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
