We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
