I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it's like heaven, but drunker
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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