Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I understand Curling. That high.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
