you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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