The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
