wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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