my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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