Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
