new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
