I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
