Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
