So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
FUCK WHALES
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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