My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize