If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
