he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
