can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
