Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
