when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
