So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
