well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
