Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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