You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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