Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
