I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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