im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
