who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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