So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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