I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
