its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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