Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
