don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
