Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
