why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
