I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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