All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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