I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
