He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
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I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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