So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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