wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
sarcasm needs its own font
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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