dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
