Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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