Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Screwed.edu
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
