Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
