You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I cannot find my penis.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
