you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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