I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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