Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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