Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
