Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
